Money Stress

I am super stressed over money.

We had a good hold on our finances this year. In fact, we could even could see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! Seriously! ... then when dad died... the Chaos and traveling put us behind. I only got 3 bereavement days and had to take a week unpaid, plus gas and travel and food for two vehicles, it all just started sliding downhill.


On top of that we have had our fantastic mini vacations, which, if the above didn't happen, would not have been a problem, but under the circumstances, has kicked our asses even farther down that dark hole.

I am super stressed. I am always saying 'no' to Lair about spending money, which causes (uncalled for) marital strife.

As well during all this we ended up dropped $1600 on the truck (we pulled that money out of our asses).... Curses! I shake my fist and money woes. Seriously, we could see the end! We were So close! And now it Doubled, which brings us what feels like forever away from that light.

It will be harder to take this trip to Disney, but 'F' it, we will go and we will spend magical non-existent money....


And on top of that, as I've mentioned, the 'Estate expenses' are on my Line of Credit. Even though that's not technically 'my' debt, it sure feels like it; and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.


On the positive side, my stress if technically unwarranted as the debt is 0.07% of what we had many years ago. But being so close to being debt free has brought back all the stress and anxiety as I watch the #'s slide deeper into the red.... stupid Red!



/rant

Dad Ashmead

So we got a phone call the other day. As you may know, Lair's dad has been battling cancer in one way or another for 20+ (?) years.

I guess the doctors have reached a point where they have more or less told him that Quality of life over Quantity should be his focus.

We really don't know what this means in terms of 'time' as they never gave him a time line (Which I think is a good thing?).

So it has us rather concerned and worried. =(

Flesh Eating Disease....

Craziest thing happened to my buddy/co-workers...



One weekend earlier this month, my friends wife's foot was 'sore'. Then by thursday it was quite painful and encompassing the whole foot and some leg. They went to a clinic, where they were directed to go to the hospital, where after several hours and watching her get rather ill very fast and the pain going up her leg....

She was diagnosed with Flesh Eating Disease... They tried to save the foot, but in the time doing so, it got so bad she lost her leg from the knee down!! Just like that. She almost died! Like touch and go for 4 days ( 40% survival rate.)!!!!


How crazy is that? Went from a sore foot, to amputation just like that. Between thursday - Sunday she's had 5 surgeries. :(

I feel so bad for there family. So traumatic. They have a 10 year old girl.



Although still in complete Shock, they are looking at this like a wake up call to live life. She will be in the hospital for another 4-8 weeks, and I would imagine it will take 1-2 years of rehabilitation and adjustment.


I told him to be ever so grateful that all she lost was 1/2 a leg and still has her functioning body and mind.... Easier said than done, but wow, what a close call!


Crazy Shit.

July

July could not come fast enough after such a chaotic and emotional June.

July 1 (Canada day) fell on a Thursday, so we took Friday off and went to the Astral Harvest Festival in Driftpile, Alberta (Near Lesser Slave Lake) 7+ hours North from our doorstep.

We were panicking and scrambling trying to find childcare for both the Astral Harvest weekend and the Motion Notion weekend... then Ursula offered to watch Quinn for us for A.H.!!! (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!), with her wonderful offer, we were able to secure my mom for Motion notion weekend..

We drove up to Edmonton after work on wed, and took off early Thursday morning to the site. We went with Lisa, Dean, Tracy Marie, Tracy Hamm, and Shawn Gravel.

It was a fantastic festival! We were very impressed. Huge site (North County Fair Grounds), 3 stages, cool people with a very 'earthy' feel. It was nice to run around and relax and party and Dance dance dance! It was the first time in a month I didn't think about anything but Me.

(eventually, I will try to upload some pics; I will put up a quick note with links to the posts w/ pics).

We ended up hanging out A LOT with Ben Friesen. That was pretty cool, as we've never had a one on one with him, it's always been at a large gathering. He is pretty awesome!

I bought a new hat. It's pretty awesome. Big, pointy, fluffy, orange with bear (?) ears. I will post a pic! I love it. It's really warm, great for late night outdoor adventures - BUT, it's fun fur, so not good in the rain or snow.

The drive home was tiring. It's about a 7.5(?) hour drive plus we took a 2 hour pit stop in Edmonton. Ursula fed us the most amazing meal - her home made Vietnamese!!! It's restaurant quality, and exactly what my body needed after a crazy weekend of fun!


We had two weeks to recover and I mean two weeks! Man Sleep deprivation and me are no longer friends! Hard to believe I used to do that EVERY weekend! So finally adjusting back to normal and we take off for .... MOTION NOTION! We booked Friday & monday off as vacation days.


Whoa, I thought I had fun at Astral; That was just the warm up! Motion Notion was near Perfect. It was a lovely Family reunion / Gathering of the Tribe. My only complaint is that it rained and rained and rained. However, we were prepared (thanks for a run to Drayton to pick up some rain gear for those in need) and we managed to party/dance through it! And luckily the sun came out for most of the day (noon - 6pm).

Our camp set up was spectacular this year. We had two 14' x 14' sun shelters set up which gave us a nice large 'living room' for the 2 blow up couches (thanks Karen & David), and the air mattress (thanks Kevin & Katie!), and with room enough for many many chairs.

We hung up our psychedelic art work on the outsides and on the inside roofs, and Tracy's boyfriend was ever so kind to bring us his portable stereo system (with a sub!) and a battery. So we had tunes and extreme comfort available.

My cousin Amanda and her boyfriend Andrew moved to Drayton valley (From Kamloops), so they too joined the festival, by commuted from home (30 min drive). It was cool to hang with them, especially since in my mind Miss Amanda is a child, but in reality is a 20+ something young woman!

My days were true bliss and relaxation. Normally, we would have headed to the beach, however, we had such a good set up and guaranteed GOOD MUSIC, most of us opted to just stay at camp. Ursula and I went out saturday night and came back around 8/9am. I loved hanging with her for the night; So Much FUN! Since the tent was hot, I decided not to go to sleep, instead drifting off and on through out the day while relaxing on the air mattress in the cool breeze. I was so relaxed and at Peace. The feeling of having _NO_ responsibility was incredible (no offense to Quinn). The mattress shenanigans I encountered with Kelly were beyond silly and will forever be ingrained in my mind.

At times I wondered how it was possible to be having so much fun!

The only CRAPPY thing that happen the whole weekend was, Mine and Ursula's beautiful Hula Hoops were STOLEN! Can you believe it? We sure didn't. I am quite sad. And Ursula had just bought hers there at MoNo, never even got to break it in... grrrrr. They were both UV Reactive / Glow in the dark. My guess is, the sun went down and someone walked by, saw them glowing.... and took them. Asshole. So help me, if I ever spot my hoop, I will take it back.


I digress. At the market place Lair found me a kick ass skirt/tutu thingy to wear over my jeans. Its fluorescent orange and yellow - like a mini version of my floral dresses! Fun Fun!


Monday morning was rainy and miserable, so we woke up, packed and fled.





We are at a good stage in life as a family. Now that Quinn is FIVE, I think we all appreciate the time away (Me & Lair away, Quinn with family or friends). It's nice that we can leave for 1 - 5 days knowing he will be 100% fine (compared to being a baby/toddler where there's more to worry about!).

Quinn says he had a lot of fun with my mom, they even managed to get out and about lots which makes us really happy.


So here we are again, recovering from another ridiculously crazy fun weekend. The thoughts of Shambhala have been in the back of my mind. Maybe one more round before I lay it to rest... Lair even told me I should go this year, but I can not afford the time off work since we're going to Disneyland in October. If we weren't planning this trip, I would have gone!



Last weekend (July 24) was gorgeous. On saturday, Lair had to work. Quinn played outside from 10am - 4pm in his sandbox and pool. I tidied the house and played outside. When Lair got home, he built a new BBQ we bought. We've been BBQ-less all summer! Which is really hard as we probably cook on it 5 nights a week in the nice weather. It was great to sear meat!

On sunday, we went for a 3 hour bike ride. Did I mention our friends bought Quinn a Tag-a-long bike for his birthday? I posted a few months ago that we were thinking of getting one. It is so awesome! Makes for an easy family trip for Quinn - if he gets tired, he can just relax. We bought a bike hitch for our truck, except it's the wrong size :( We look forward to getting a bike hitch so we can drive to the river paths or elsewhere for biking fun.

After our bike trip, Karri, Jay & Nicholas stopped in for a BBQ. We had a fantastic visit. I'm very excited for their wedding!



So here we are ending another month. A month of happiness and joy, chaos and unsettled emotions. Let's see what August brings.

June

So the month of June really felt like a write off. I was in BC for week dealing with 'dad', who I might add, is currently in my garage. We missed Inshala, a small gathering in Fort McLeod that we were really looking forward to. We were going to take Quinn!

Oh well. Life (and Death) happens.


I struggled most of the month trying to settle my feelings, but have decided it won't settle until absolutely everything is dealt with, which I fear could be several more months.

Money is needed for everything, in life and in death. But none of us kids (me, Marianne and Jason) have any money... I do however, have an empty Line of Credit... so I offered it up to put the Estate expenses on. So far it's over $7000, not included the upcoming lawyers fees.

It's looking like the mobile home he owns has no equity and the market value is less than what is owed. I just want to foreclose and have it done with, but Marianne & Jason want to try to sell it... I just want it done and over with! =(

I have spikes of emotions where I feel as if I am in complete Chaos and other days of normalcy.




Thankfully Lawrence is done school for the summer. Amazing how a few nights a week can feel so long with him gone.



Quinn had his Copperfield Preschool Graduation. Both Lair & I took the afternoon off work to attend. Quinn was so proud of himself! It was adorable. They sang a song and walked across the floor to get their diplomas. Afterwards we went and saw Toy Story 3 (awesome movie!). It was certainly a great day!




And last but not least for June was Quinn's BIRTHDAY! He wanted his party at Calloway Park and he invited Caleb & Noah (who were unable to attend), Max & Jasmine, Ivy, and 'auntie Tracy'. We had a lovely day at the park. It was all about the kids (4 kids and 6 adults - at least we had the numbers!). We were there from 10am - 6pm! Phew! Non-stop fun!

Afterwards we came home for Soft tacos and cake and presents. A birthday I'm sure he will never forget!



I want to add photos, I may try to do so this weekend, I need to find my USB cord for my camera.. Our home computer died in June and is waiting in line to be seem by my IT department at work. It really sucks not having the PC available at home, but thankfully we have the laptop!

My dad is gone

On May 31, my dad died of a massive heart attack...


I can't say I'm not surprised, but didn't expect it quite yet.



He's been Obese for 30+ years. He was a smoker & alcoholic up until he was 53, when he had a stroke. He quit smoking on that day and it took about 2 years to have a full recovery. He slowly began drinking again.

He retired young in 2002 to Salmon Arm. He became diabetic. Was a functional alcoholic, no exercise and was eating and drinking himself to death.

I've lectured him nicely for the past 10 years about diet and exercise, especially since Quinn came about about. But it always fell on deaf ears. :(


He's been sending cryptic e-mails since last fall suggesting his health and heart weren't up to snuff. I don't think he was totally honest about the situation. According to my Uncle, he was becoming progressively immobile due to 'diabetic legs'. My uncle said they were almost black below the knee.


In the end, at age 66, he had a massive heart attack.


It is my belief that he ate and drank himself to an early grave. My exact first response was to be angry and pissed off. I certainly went through the various stages of grief through out the last month...

I found out on a thursday. I took friday off, sent Quinn to the dayhome and spent the afternoon with my mom. On saturday I left Lair & Quinn to go to Red Deer to meet with Marianne and Jason to discuss what to do next. Auntie Dorothy happened to be in town so that was convenient for us, but probably stressful on her.

I e-mailed work telling them I would be gone for a week.

Went home sunday.

Left for Chase on Monday with Marianne.

It was a long week going through his trailer, planning him memorial and jumping through all the paperwork hoops.

Lair came out thursday night leaving Quinn with mom.

In the end, we had a memorial party for him in Kamloops and probably had 85+ people attend between 1pm - 9pm. I think he would be pleased with what we did.



It was a miserable stressful week....

May - a busy month!

In mid May Shpongle was in town! On a tuesday night.... So we booked off wednesday morning, lined up a sleepover at Nan's for Quinn and went on a date.

We met at Tracy's for pre-part drinks then headed to the venue.

It was Ok. In the end I really had a great time, it was awesome to be in the presents of such an amazing producer, however, 'Shpongle' to me means Simon Posford AND Raja Ram + a live vocalist and possible live percussion.... It was just Simon. So I was miffed, but got over it quickly.


So we had a fantastic night, were home around 3am and slept in wednesday morning, getting to work for 1pm.


Right when the show started, I sneezed. And it was one of those sneezes where you totally know you just got a head cold. So on wednesday I woke up with a wicked head cold and was very tired.


Jen Milka had an Engagement Brunch. I can't tell you how happy I am for her and her fiance. They seem absolutely perfect together!

We also spent the afternoon at Bowness Park celebrating Janine's birthday. It was a great day. Owen is growing and happy.



For May long weekend Tracy invited a bunch of us up to her Cabin at Alberta Beach (45 min from Edmonton). The cabin is awesome. It's actually a little house with a 'bunk house' in the back. It has a beautiful treed yard and fire pit. It was a nice get-a-way and as always, terrific to just be with our Chosen Family).

Sunday night Quinn woke up with an Ear ache. It made for a LONG night. He was up and in pain past 4am then up at 8. Poor guy. He's never had an ear ache that I know of. I felt so helpless.

The drive home on monday he was still in pain so we stopped at a Shoppers Drug Mart and got some ear stuff and Tylenol. He slept almost the whole way home.

I took him & I to a medic enter (2.5 hr wait). Him for his ear and a cough and me for a bad cough (The one from Shpongle). His ear was ok, but we both had a chest infection so we both got antibiotics. Not bad, Quinn went almost 5 years without any antibiotics, and thankfully he wasn't allergic to it.

One week after May long, Quinn woke up with a Fever! It's been a long time since that happened. Later that morning he seemed fine, just low grade, so we went to see Shrek 4 with friends. During the movie his fever went higher. After the movie on the way home, he puked in the truck! And slowly all night his fever got higher and higher.

I put him on the floor next to our bed and checked him every hour. By 1am he was at 102. I called the Health Link and they said not to worry until it was at 104. I didn't sleep well at all. I called in sick to sleep and my 9am, his fever broke and he was fine. That was scary.



On with our busy month of May....

Quinn had his 'Kindergarten Orientation', where we went to his school and got a tour, met the teachers and admin staff. Saw the rooms and met soon to be classmates. We loved being there. Both Lair & I had memories flood in from when WE were Five!! We both has such fond memories of Kindergarten and are both so excited for Quinn in this next Big step of his life.


A few days later, Quinn & I attended 'My 1st Bus Ride'. A school bus orientation as he will be bussed to a school about 10km away. It was a good afternoon. And in the end, we both rode a bus, then the little ones rode it without the parents. He'll be just fine. I just don't like the idea of him on the Deerfoot every morning!

April - Winning by Losing

Make it all slow down!

Sorry I haven't posted forever.... I had intentions to do so but Life threw some curve balls at us. Some good, one bad.... I started this post in mid May and meant to complete it.... Here it is July. So I'd best play catch up.


So let me catch up the end of APRIL.


Our lovely friend Amber invited Lawrence & I to join a 'Biggest Loser' Competition called Winning by Losing. It began on April 26. 18 people (some we know, others we don't) pitched in $50 each toward the top 3 prizes. And the Goal is the highest percentage weight loss wins, but in the end, we are all winners as we're taking another step towards a healthier us!

We were both very excited for this motivation. We really got down to business and started counting calories and getting in good excersise 3-5 times a week.... (More on this later)....

Good peepers.... for now!

Quinn had his annual eye doctors apt on Wednesday.

He did such a good job! Such a big boy! Memories flooded back of when I was his age, seeing Dr. Gimble in a building near the sketchy Mac's on 7th Ave. I can remember feeling so grown up in that big chair! As well I remember looking at a picture of a barn... Funny the things you remember.

In the end, Quinn's eyes are healthy, but, they have changed a bit from last year. It seems that he may be developing an astigmatism (I have severe astigmatism so I am not surprised). However the Doctor said we'll wait one more year, and if that time it gets any worse (which he predict is a high possibility), little man will need little glasses...

So we talked about how he might where glasses like daddy, and he seems to like the idea.

I just pray that he does not inherit my bad eyes! Oh how I hated wearing glasses! =(

How to Train your Dragon

Yesterday Lair suggested we take Quinn to see 'How to Train your Dragon' in 3D. Normally I would hem and haw about the money, but sometime you have to splurge. So when I got home I changed from work and we headed out again. Got our tickets and grabbed a slice of pizza, then got popcorn and went in.

The theatre was probably half full and mostly families/boys Ages 4-10.

It was pretty high action in my opinion, maybe a little over the top for what I would like Quinn to see, but we knew what it was about and a PG movie. It was rated a 3 violence on the www.kidsinmind.com website I use as a gage for movies.... I felt this was more than 3, but maybe I am too sensitive.

Quinn totally love love loved it. He now wants a 2 headed dragon. He said it can stay in the attic but we'll need a ladder so he can get in and out.

We all had fun and it was a nice family outing.

Small world.

This morning a guy came into the office on business. While waiting for someone to come down, he says:

Is your name is Melanie? (I have a name plaque and say my name when answering the phone)...

Me. Yes.

Guy. I thought I recognized you....

Me. Confused, don't recognize him

Guy. I was married to your cousin Cheryl... Brandon is out in the truck!

It was Craig. My cousin Cheryl Ex, and Brandon is my 2nd cousin from the farm. I still remember when Brandon was born. I remember Great Grandpa Bamber came to the farm to meet him.

Craig finished up what he was doing here and called Brandon to come inside. It was nice to see him; haven't seen him since my Uncles Funeral 3 years ago. We had a quick chit chat and they went along their way.

That was a nice way to start my monday =)

Dave

Last week, out of the blue, Quinn says "I miss Dave" .... So we talked about him for a bit. I told him his birthday was coming up (March 21). Quinn said "Is his birthday canceled now that he's dead?". (out of the mouths of babes)... I told him no, it wasn't canceled, it was still a day for celebration of his life.

So his birthday was this past weekend. It was a bit emotional for me. I know we're supposed to celebrate and remember with Joy those who've passed, but I am still grieving and missing him horribly. I haven't been able to come to terms with it all quite yet. I still have pains in my tummy and get a lump in my throat and still have tears to shed.





Meh :'(

Medical Records

In October, I contacted both the Abbotsford Hospital and the BC Children's Hospital and requested Quinn's files be released for our own personal records.

The Abbotsford hospital sent theirs before Christmas and I've been patiently waiting for the one from BC Children's.


It finally arrived last week and I now know why it took so long; the file is seriously an inch thick! I took some time to read through everything. The memories flooded back of that stressful time... The longest, scariest week of my life! Even more so than our Cancer scare!

I will never forget the feeling in my stomach when I realized something was seriously wrong.... And even worse, when I linked it to his leg issue a few days prior... I remember telling the triage nurse I thought he was having a stroke and that he may have had one a few days prior. That night was just crazy... the Abbotsford Dr being shocked to actually see a case like this, the transfer ambulance ride felt like forever.... but as soon as he re-gained his mobility (6 hours later) we were still stressed, but feeling a little calmer! Then the next 7 days were very long, sad, and lonely.

We are ever so thankful for Scott and Dee, they were our 100% life line. Scott came to the hospital first thing in the morning to be with us. He kept us calm and grounded. Thanks Brother!!!!

I digress... I read through his files. They are indeed inconclusive as we were told. So I hang on to the belief that it was a Stroke of Genius and am ever so grateful that he is Happy and healthy!

Spring is in the air

My typical friday night is super mundane. I pay bills and take care of all household financials. Woo. Good times. Our pay days alternate so the household gets a paycheck every friday. It's pretty awesome and makes it easy to shuffle money around, but in order to know how much money we have for the weekend and following week, I have to do the financials on friday night.

Thanks to the weather, we had such a fantastic weekend. Saturday was turning out to be such a nice day that Quinn and I headed out around 10:30am on an adventure. We drove near the McKenzie Lake golf course to a Fish Creek Park Path (Across the River from Sicome Lake). Quinn brought a big bucket, we wore our boots and off we went on a nature walk. I was hoping to walk along the path and dawdle in the trees, but Quinn headed straight for the River and we spent several hours just throwing rocks and sticks in the river.

We then left and drove through McKenzie Lake then went to a school playground in McKenzie Town. It's awesome! We had lots of fun. We'll definatly go back there. Once Quinn's better on his bike we can ride there (it would be a pretty long walk). After an hour at the park we headed home for lunch.

Lair was home from work. We have a 6 foot tiger kite I bought at Costco a few years ago, never open the package, so Lair built the kite and we headed off to a nearby field... The kite lasted all but 6 seconds. It went up and came down, when it hit the ground the structural integrity was compromised... and then there were tears... So we hurried off to find a new kite. Canadian Tire didn't have any. Superstore didn't have any.... thankfully, Wal-Mart did! A $4 Plastic Optimus Prime kite. Back to the field and the day was saved. So nice to be out an about!

Saturday night Lair went out so Quinn and I got pizza and watched a movie.

Family Sunday! Hooray! Lair's sister and Fiancée were in town so we met them at Cora's for brunch then bid them farewell. We decided to check out the Science Centre.... Including parking, this cost $48 and I tell you, it was pretty hurtin. My guess is, a guided tour for 8-12 year olds might be cool, but the chaos of young kids & no sensicle order of viewing made it less than appealing. I will not waste my money again... However, that being said, they are building a new Science Centre near the zoo. Once that opens and the hype quiets down, I will give them a second chance.

Sunday evening I went to Owens baby shower. It was very nice; Great food, wine and conversation. I got to see Nicole, Deanna, Laine, and Candice. It was nice to the Grandmas with Owen.

I know it's no guarantee that winter is over, but this fresh air has sure put a bounce in my step.

Quinn has out grown his bike. We were able to raise the seat, but the handle bars don't go any higher! So we'll check Craigslist for a replacement. As well I'm wanting to get a Bike Buddy ASAP so we can go on longer (carefree) rides.

Can you believe I've been with AMEC for almost SIX months!? Time sure goes by so fast! And Quinn is growing so much! He amazes everyday with his size and knowledge! He is an incredible being! I am so proud of who he is. I am so proud of Lawrence & myself as I know we have a big part in who he is. So kind. So genuine.

I know the summer will fly by so fast. I want to make the best of it ... We will have to do as much as we can in and around town... We have seasons passes to Callaway Park so I predict several trips there. I really don't know if Motion Notion is in the cards this year which makes me sad, but time and money are precious this year as we need to save it for our October trip.

Speaking of which, Lair has a co-worker who said he may be able get us into a Disney resort for cheap through his time share. That would be an awesome money saver. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about this trip! I hope it all falls together as perfect as it is in my head!

Eyes are good.

I saw the optometrist last night. I was anxious and left happy and sad.

The good news is, my eyes are very healthy. My eye sight is still way better than 20/20 and inside and out are good and healthy... They even have a new machine that scans your eye and they can get a very intimate look at what's going on inside.

The bad news is... yes, indeed I do have quite a few floaters, especially in my right eye. He told me since it is not affecting my quality of life, i.e. it's not debilitating and I can still function well, that with any corrective measures, the cons would out weigh the pros... There is no treatment for floaters other than removing the vitreous (vitrectomy), a major operation with many risks... Eventually the option of having them blasted by a laser may be available, but is not suggested at this point.

Here is great vid I found . See the crap swirling around? That's what I have to look past ALL the time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcHK9X0jZFY&feature=related

I have always had floaters. I've always been night blind. Before my laser eye surgery I was quite visually impaired. It's just frustrating. I am very happy to know my eyes are healthy, but I am quite upset that there is nothing we can do. I am frustrated and upset and sick and tired of trying to look past these fricken blobs in my eyes...

OK, enough of my wallowing. As the doc said, they are healthy, sorry about your luck, it is what it is... so all I can do is move forward.


And now for some humour:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfzVOx2uNQk&feature=related ;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QRCrZP5BS4&feature=related